


Cuz We Won't Although We’ll Want To

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was new to him; he didn’t know all the words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cuz We Won't Although We’ll Want To

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Damaged.

“You don’t have to go you know?”

“I know.” She replied, really having no idea.

“And yet you do it anyway. What time is it?”

“I don't know.” She looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand. “Its quarter to two. Was that question rhetorical?”

“No, it just reinforces my point. Why are you leaving?”

“Aaron…”

“Yes?”

She stopped moving and looked at him. For all of her shuffling around, Emily still wasn’t dressed. She wore a maroon bra and panties; her slacks were in her hands. Hotch took her to a late dinner that evening. He said he wanted to pay her back for all she’d done for him.

Emily almost said no. It wasn’t that she wanted to think he wasn’t genuine, but something about it didn’t sound right. She knew he was still holding on to those divorce papers. Somewhere down deep Emily was sure he was desperate to be back with Haley. It might not be because she was the love of his life anymore but because she was his comfort zone.

Despite the magnificent love the two of them made, Emily Prentiss was not his comfort zone. But he asked her to dinner tonight anyway. They both needed to get their minds off things so she met him at Urbano. It was a nice, low-key Adams-Morgan restaurant that specialized in New American fare. Terms like that were only used in reference to restaurant menus.

They didn’t talk much; the atmosphere was a little tense. She wanted to talk to him about Connecticut while he made conversation about Dave’s case in Indiana. After Hotch paid the bill, they went back to his place. A couple of months back they stopped deluding themselves about not ending up in bed together. The question that needed to be asked was what came next. It wasn’t in anyone’s best interest to stay on this merry-go-round.

“What happened in Connecticut?” Emily asked.

She sat back on the bed, dropping her slacks at her feet. It wasn’t the main question she wanted answered but it was a question. If what Reid told her meant anything, which Emily was sure it did, it was an important one at the moment.

“Spencer stopped me from losing everything I worked so hard to achieve.” Hotch replied.

“How were you going to do that?”

“I was going to beat the hell out of Chester Hardwick…and it was going to feel good.”

“Temporarily.” She reached for his hands. Hotch had large hands, a man’s hands. They were strong and tough but also very gentle. Emily knew that an Unsub on the other side of those hands would be an unfortunate soul. Not that anyone planned to feel sorry for the Chester Hardwicks of the world.

Hotch sighed as her fingers traced over his palms. Her touch was amazing; he never felt anything like it before. He always quivered when Emily touched him. It didn’t matter if it was innocuous or something more, the result was always the same. How was it possible to want something so much while also knowing that limiting yourself was imperative?

“I could live with temporarily.” He replied, turning the tables and taking hold of her hands.

“I'm glad that whatever Reid did worked.”

“Me too. I'm not that kind of man but Hardwick pushed my buttons. I let him, or I should say…no, I let him.”

“We all let guys like Chester Hardwick get to us sometimes. We’re only…”

“Don’t leave me tonight.” Hotch cut her off. He usually apologized for such a thing, he was raised right, but this wasn’t about being a gentleman. He didn’t want to apologize because he wasn’t sorry for interrupting and saying it. He actually wanted to demand it. The thing was that no one demanded anything from Emily Prentiss. God, there were times he felt like they were so close he could reach in and touch her soul. Other times, even while holding hands or making love, Hotch felt they were light years apart. “I don’t want you to do that anymore.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Emily asked.

“Tell me what you're thinking, Emily; what you're feeling.”

“Why, because you asked me not to leave? I don’t know if that’s enough.”

“Why?”

“You're still married, Aaron.” She slipped her hands out of his. She’d been there, done that, and swore she never would again. Yet here she was, the other woman. “I don’t want to be in the middle of that. OK, I'm already in the middle but…”

“So leaving means you're not in the middle?” he asked.

“I don't know what the hell it means.” She whispered.

“I signed the papers this evening. My marriage is over…it’s been over. I'm not holding on anymore.”

“So it’s a good idea to jump right into something else?”

“I think it might be too late to ask that question. I hate it when you leave; that’s the only answer I have Emily. We’re not doing a damn thing wrong and yet you always sneak away. If you don’t want to be with me there's nothing I can do about that. But if you do, why do you leave? What can I do to make you stay?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head, bending to pick up her slacks again. Emily needed to get dressed and go home. It was late; the conversation would only get more complicated. “I need to be safe.”

“You're safe when you're alone?” Hotch asked.

“Yeah.” she nodded, slipping into her shirt and buttoning it. Her shoes were in the living room with her purse; she would grab them on the way out. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Emily leaned to give him a kiss and Hotch pulled her into a hug. He didn’t have the words yet…didn’t know if he ever would. Actions spoke louder than words, right? That’s what everyone always said so Hotch would go with that. He exhaled when Emily held onto him.

“You can still stay.” He whispered.

“Not tonight.” She kissed him.

“Some other night then?”

Emily didn’t answer. She climbed off the bed and walked to the bedroom door.

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

Maybe he should just be grateful that tonight she let him hold her. When this first started, they'd hardly be through making love and Emily would be up and getting dressed. That always made Hotch uncomfortable but he said nothing. This was new to him; he didn’t know all the words. He didn’t ask Haley to stay because he knew that it was over. If he couldn’t find a way to ask Emily then it would be over before it started. He jumped up from the bed and rushed to the door.

“Emily, stop!”

She did, turning back to look at him.

“You're naked.” She couldn’t help the beginnings of a cheeky grin across her face.

“You're dressed, which is a tragedy.” He came to stand in front of her. “You want to stay and I want you to. We don’t have all the words but that doesn’t mean the emotions aren’t there. We’ll never have a chance to express them if we keep running away. That stops as of tonight.”

Emily wrapped her arms around him, kissing him passionately. When Hotch moaned into her mouth and held her close…they both felt it. So often there were no words for this feeling. She’d gotten the first inkling of it when she profiled for him after his initial rejection of her. It was even stronger when he took her to the mat for questioning him over Congresswoman Steyer.

By the time they got on a plane to Milwaukee almost a year later, Emily was in love with Aaron Hotchner. She knew he was a married man, always was and always would be; nothing would come of it. Except now Hotch was single. He was single and in her arms. His hands were all over her and his mouth…oh God his mouth.

“Aaron…” she gasped when he nipped at her throat.

“Stay with me, baby. Let me make love to you; let me hold you all night.”

What woman in her right mind would say no to that? Not that Emily Prentiss could always be accused of being in her right mind. One thing she knew was how she felt with him couldn’t be replicated. She hadn't felt it in so long Emily started to believe it really was just a feeling in books, songs, and movies. She let him take her back to the bedroom, lay her down, and take off her clothes again.

“Stay with me.” He whispered, his body over hers. “Say you will.”

Emily couldn’t make herself say it but she would stay. It was too hard to walk away anymore. He wanted her; she wanted him too. What was the point of fighting it? Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. They'd both been lonely for so long…maybe fate brought them together.

Emily didn’t know if she believed in any of that anymore. After being wrong so many times, she wasn’t sure if she could believe her own feelings either. Luckily she didn’t have to think about it for too much longer. Hotch blew her mind and all of her worries along with it.

***

  



End file.
